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My life and then some

when life gives you lemons...make lemonade

sexie_jessie44

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May 21st, 2006

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Well sorry i havn't updated in a while. i've been studdin for finals and i just have a lot of end of school shit goin on right now. well anyways....so right now im eatin cherrios and lookin for anything to avoid studdin for my finals. that's the only thing i don't like bout the end of school. Thank god we only have liek two whole days adn then two half days. cuz i am really startin to get sick of some people.  I wish that some of the girls in my grade would grow up already. i hate how people will act like there your "friend" and my all like yea you can trust me and then they like turn around and like talk shit bout you or go and like tell half the state what you just told them. aghh!!!!! it pisses me off so bad. im jsut not even goin to get started now. lets just that i trust like nobody except for my boyfriend and like my one bestest friend amelia.  Speakin of her. ok guys im goin to need some advice on this one. ok well travis (my boyfriend of 10 months, 11  on 6/7) is good friends wit amellia. well when we had our really bad fight that lastest for like 2 and 1/2 days and almost broke us up he went and bought some weed. he used to smoke last year but he quiet and the end of last year and hasn't done it since. (we were fightin because he foudn out that i had started cuttin again and he didn't think that i tursted him and well a lot of other things) well that fight was like a month ago and he just told me like tuesday that he had bought weed when we were fighting. he said that he hadn't smoked any of it and i asked to do me just one thing and that was to get rid of it adn he said that he would so i was ok with that. well when i was talkin to amellia bout it she was like yea i new he bought it like the day he did it or a day after. and i was jsut like what???? and she looked at me liek you didn't know.  i didn't really say anything hten. but it has really been botherin me that he told amellia about it before he told me. and also while we were fightin he was tellin her how he was thinkin bout breakin up wit me before talkin to me about it. i dunno maybe im just over reacting. i mean i can understand tellin here bout breakin up wit me before he told me but i mean wit the whole weed thing. i can't figure out why it bothers me so much. im nor worried that he gettin to close to her and that he's gunna leave me for her or somehting like that. (no offense to her but she's not that big of a competition. she's pretty and everything but yea you get the idea) do yall think that it should be bothering me. i need some advice here on what to do. when travis asked me what was wrong yesterday (he could tell something was botherin me because i had been drinkin and all my emotions just kinda tend to come out once i've had a few drinks) and i told him that the whole deal wit amellia was botherin me and he apoligized and we talked for like 2 seconds and then he had to go eat and didn't call me back till like 1:20 in the mornin i didn't answer though cuz i was like half asleep adn didnt' feel like talkin bout it at the time. so what am i supposed to tell him?if anybody has some advice please let me now!!!

May 9th, 2006

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   Well right about now im doin just about all that i can to get out of doin my homework. I have this retarted spainsh project due thrusday and i have to have 100 pages read in my book by firday adn i've only read like 35 so yea i have a ways to go. Plus im supposed to be workin on my drivers ed shit to. im just so ready to get my licenses already. im scared to see the kind of truck that my parents are goin to get me though. oh well as long as everything works and its not like something they went and picked up form the junk yard for a couple 100 dollars. 
     Im so happy cuz i finally got my hari cut. i loved having it long but i get so bored with it after a while and i have to do somehting different wit it. i wanted to grow it out pretty long but i just dont' have the patience and plus wit it started to get hotter because of summer then having long hair would just start to be a pain in the ass. 
     Oh yesterday i had my first ACTS meeting. For those of you who don't know what ACTS is it is a christian retreat that i went on adn i cant really  say a whole lot of what goes on there bucause there is this thing called the river rule. which just baiscly means what ever is said or anything that goes on at the retreat stays at the retreat. just so that people who are goin on it have a scence of comfort knowing that they can open up about any problems that they have or anything that they've kept inside for a while and they need to get it off of there chest. it brought me a hell of a lot closer to God also. if you ever get a chance to go on one you should go. it was one of the greatest things that i have ever experienced.  well anywas i was kinda nervous about our first meeting yesterday. (I'm on team to put on an ACTS retreat). because i wasn't really sure what was goin to happen or what we were goin to do. it was kinda acquird at first but once everybody kinda started to talk and open up a lil beit it really wasn't all that bad. and like i know everbody on the team but like i don't really talk to some of them and i really got close to them yesterday and im really startin to look forward to our retreat. im kinda nervous bout it though.. Well i prolly need to get to work on my homework. yuck. only  2 1/2 weeks of school left. YEA!!!! i'll post again later if i have time
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May 5th, 2006

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hey well i've had a journal thing on here before but i got really busy and just kinda lost track of the whole thing. well anyways umm...lets see where do i start. well first off i am so glad that it is friday and that this week is finally over because the whole first half of this week pertty well sucked. i guess i could tell you why. well my boyfriend nows that i used to cut like last year but i quit and havn't done it for a while. well when ever i get really stressed out or something like that i get really tempted to cut again and i've been pretty good bout not doin it but this past weekend i cut once or twice on my arm and well travis (my boyfriend) saw it and when he asked what it was i told him that it was from my dog because i was scared of what he would say if i told him that i had started cuttin again. well you could obviosly tell that it wasn't from my dog and he figured out what it was pretty quick. He got like really pissed off at me and like wouldn't talk to me when ever i saw him in the halls at school. when i asked him what was wrong he would just saw nothin and look away. and i was like travis your lyin to me. and he just said well your lyin to me. he like ignored me for 2 1/2 days. he was upset becasue i was cuttin and he said that the only reason he would be pissed about me cuttin is because he cares bout me and the one thing that really pissed him off was that i lied to him. adn well then he didn't think that i trusted him and i don't thing that he really trusted me at the time either. well when i went to lunch wit our friends on wednesday (he was in d-hall so he wasn't wit us) my friend told me that he had been talin bout breakin up wit me and my stomach just like dropped. i felt like complete shit. well when i got back to class i wrote him like this six page abologie note explaining everything cuz i normally have a hard time tellin him how i fell bout alot of things and when i talked to him that day after school he sounded normal again and he apologized for bein such an ass and every thing and so now were cool again. and i think were closer now than we were before we faught. its crazy how shit does that. i think that theres still alot of things that we need to work out but he was in waco last night for some school thing wit a bunch of ppl so he didn't answer his phone when i called him. plus it was kinda late to. i havn't seen him in like two days and i prolly wont be able to see him again till monday. he supposed to go to my grandmas wit us on sunday but i havn't had a chance to talk to him yet. my parents havn't really gevin me an ok on it either when i asked. there really overprotective you'll prolly hear me complaing about it a lot through out my journal. well my hand is starting to hurt and i need to go. i'll prolly update agian later today or tomorrow for sure prolly.
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